WHAT IS YOUR BODY LANGUAGE TELLING OTHERS AROUND YOU?

Are you aware of way your body speaks to those around you? How your presence makes others feel? Do you make others nervous or intimidated or maybe relaxed and safe. We as humans pick up most of the signals used while communicating subconsciously and non verbally. This means you can piss someone off or turn someone on without saying a word.

Learning to understand your body language will lead to surprising results. I started to notice the effect my own body language had on others one night in a bar with my coworkers. We are all bartenders though we were not working this night. We were celebrating a coworker landing a job a graphic design firm she loved (And for more money than she thought). She had worked with us for three years and had just graduated college. The night started with drinks and shots at the bar where we all worked.  We went a little hard and it was very hot that day. Subsequently our group of seven dropped to five. After a very nice dinner and wine our group went to do some karaoke nearby. We had some beers and sang a few songs and was having a fantastic evening.

I checked my phone and noticed a “call me “ text from my sister. I stepped outside to the sidewalk and called her. She told me her dog was hit by a car and her son was extremely sad and wanted to talk to me. He’s my only nephew and we are very close. The convo bummed me out so much that I borrowed a cigarette from a stranger even though I don’t smoke. I puffed down half of the cigarette and went inside. I felt sad but did not want to damper the evening by showing it. So I put a smile on my face and went in to join my friends.

Immediately, the coworker we were celebrating made eye contact with me and approached. She told me I looked nervous and asked if I was ok. I told her I was fine and asked if she was having a good time trying to deflect the attention back to her. She pulled me off away from the group and told that by the way I was holding my shoulders and what I was doing with my hands she could tell I felt different than before I stepped outside. Trying to find my feelings I made a "confused" looking face and asked what she meant. She explained to me that she was naturally shy and could come off little timid. Nervous about this when she started bartending, she started learning how to improve her communication skills.

She studied and practiced and started to identify and develop the areas she thought were weak. Her shyness and timidness. I was shocked because to watch her bartend you would never think she was either of those things. She is a fire-breathing, rockstar of a bartender who was amazing to watch. She explained how she first had to become aware of her own natural body language and its effect. Making subtle adjustments and monitoring their effect on those around her, she is able to exude confidence and authority behind a bar. She brought those same honed social skills to her job interviews. Reading the interviewer, and adjusting her body language to project the same confidence and authority as she does behind the bar. They had to hire her.

Understanding body language was helped her to become a master conversationalist which has changed her life. She has her dream job because of her ability to converse properly and effectively. This was a revelation for me. As a shy bartender myself I relied on the quality of drinks and service to make money. Making small talk but never controlling the room, I would watch her work and wished to be like her. I started doing my own research, reading my own books, and practicing every night I worked. I started to become aware of the way I use my body to communicate. Using different postures and head movements to connect with my guests better which resulted in them staying longer and spending more money. I became obsessed with the mental judo that occurs with any good conversation, and I became addicted to the process of reading a person or group and forming a strategy for pulling them into my corner, especially bosses or potential bosses. Encountering other skilled conversationalists and striking up a battle of wits became one of my favorite things about bartending. I was having more fun and making more money than ever but my journey was just beginning. To think this all started by being aware of my body language and how it affected the people around me.

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